ALWAYS THE BRIDE Book Excerpt (unedited)
It never dawned on me when I was a young girl dreaming of my knight in shining armor who'd rescue me from my miserable life that men don't come dressed up in a suit of armor with dashing good looks and charm enough to win over an entire city always. They have their flaws, like we have ours. They have their insecurities and past pains, just like we have ours. So sometimes, while he may want to be the one to woo you, charm you, love you, envelope you with passion, there may also be some fear there of rejection, some past memory of love gone wrong, or some other issue with that. He may be Mr. Romantic on the inside but have a difficult time showing it to you.
As wives, our jobs are sometimes hard with very little verbal appreciation attached. We have to deal with our issues and insecurities while being careful of our husbands' issues and insecurities. We have to know how to ask for what we want without sounding condescending and impatient. We have to be willing to show our husbands how to love us because we don't come with manuals and be gracious enough to applaud their efforts even when it doesn't quite satisfy what we desire. It's called patience and to have a husband is to learn to have plenty of patience. All these skills must be developed pre-maritally. Trying to do it on the fly is hard, and often the cause of marital complications.
I'm not by any means putting men down. I'm simply pointing out what it takes to get what we want as women. I could say a lot to men, but this isn't about men, now is it? As women, we have a tendency to get wrapped up in emotions and in our emotional upheavals, we pressure our men to perform for us. We can sometimes put so much pressure on them that they begin to feel like failures. Men, the logical beings that they are, believe that their job is to make their mate happier than she was without him. When women nag, they immediately think they've failed. And who wants to feel like a failure? So after awhile, he'll begin to doubt that there is long term potential in the relationship, if for no other reason because he don't want to feel like a failure all his life. Men love to be celebrated and for some reason, go figure, they perform better when they are complimented and celebrated and adored. Don't skimp on celebrating your man when he deserves it because you fear he'll get the big head. He has enough detractors out there to keep that head in place. Trust me. Even the most conceited acting of men have a million and one insecurities that he may never let you in on.
Be a wife long before you get married because it isn't marriage that makes you a wife. Being a wife is what leads you to marriage. We talk more about that in later chapters.
It never dawned on me when I was a young girl dreaming of my knight in shining armor who'd rescue me from my miserable life that men don't come dressed up in a suit of armor with dashing good looks and charm enough to win over an entire city always. They have their flaws, like we have ours. They have their insecurities and past pains, just like we have ours. So sometimes, while he may want to be the one to woo you, charm you, love you, envelope you with passion, there may also be some fear there of rejection, some past memory of love gone wrong, or some other issue with that. He may be Mr. Romantic on the inside but have a difficult time showing it to you.
As wives, our jobs are sometimes hard with very little verbal appreciation attached. We have to deal with our issues and insecurities while being careful of our husbands' issues and insecurities. We have to know how to ask for what we want without sounding condescending and impatient. We have to be willing to show our husbands how to love us because we don't come with manuals and be gracious enough to applaud their efforts even when it doesn't quite satisfy what we desire. It's called patience and to have a husband is to learn to have plenty of patience. All these skills must be developed pre-maritally. Trying to do it on the fly is hard, and often the cause of marital complications.
I'm not by any means putting men down. I'm simply pointing out what it takes to get what we want as women. I could say a lot to men, but this isn't about men, now is it? As women, we have a tendency to get wrapped up in emotions and in our emotional upheavals, we pressure our men to perform for us. We can sometimes put so much pressure on them that they begin to feel like failures. Men, the logical beings that they are, believe that their job is to make their mate happier than she was without him. When women nag, they immediately think they've failed. And who wants to feel like a failure? So after awhile, he'll begin to doubt that there is long term potential in the relationship, if for no other reason because he don't want to feel like a failure all his life. Men love to be celebrated and for some reason, go figure, they perform better when they are complimented and celebrated and adored. Don't skimp on celebrating your man when he deserves it because you fear he'll get the big head. He has enough detractors out there to keep that head in place. Trust me. Even the most conceited acting of men have a million and one insecurities that he may never let you in on.
Be a wife long before you get married because it isn't marriage that makes you a wife. Being a wife is what leads you to marriage. We talk more about that in later chapters.
2 comments:
Looking good, chick
"Be a wife long before you get married because it isn't marriage that makes you a wife."
Wise words, young lady. And I would say the same thing to men. Marriage doesn't make you a husband. That's a state of mind and respect that should be present during the courtship as well, hmm?
The Old Silly
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