So sad to admit or even to say, but many women are losing their self-respect and dignity because they have determined to be with someone through any means necessary. That might mean sex before marriage, or putting up with infidelity, or putting up with a host of other horrible personality issues such as laziness, criminal behavior, disrespect or even abuse. But here is the flipside to that compromise.
After we've kissed our dignity goodbye and lost respect for ourselves, and after we've embraced a person who is unhealthy for us, and after we've done all we can to make a bad relationship tolerable, then we realize we are still unhappy. We are still lost, hurting, lonely and miserable. And in that anger, we blame the men in our lives rather than taking responsibility for allowing them into our lives in the first place. And the cycle keeps repeating and repeating until we either give up or learn better.
Don't compromise anything that makes you who you are. Don't lower your standards of living for a companion. Don't deprive yourself of respect and dignity. Don't lose yourself for the sake of a relationship you think will make you happier. How could it if it is no longer a healthy you in it? Relationships must consist of two healthy people or they will most likely end with two unhappy people.
After we've kissed our dignity goodbye and lost respect for ourselves, and after we've embraced a person who is unhealthy for us, and after we've done all we can to make a bad relationship tolerable, then we realize we are still unhappy. We are still lost, hurting, lonely and miserable. And in that anger, we blame the men in our lives rather than taking responsibility for allowing them into our lives in the first place. And the cycle keeps repeating and repeating until we either give up or learn better.
Don't compromise anything that makes you who you are. Don't lower your standards of living for a companion. Don't deprive yourself of respect and dignity. Don't lose yourself for the sake of a relationship you think will make you happier. How could it if it is no longer a healthy you in it? Relationships must consist of two healthy people or they will most likely end with two unhappy people.
Sometimes, we envy the wrong things in others' relationships and make unfair comparisons in relationships that we would despise if the shoe flipped to the other foot. We compare our man to the men in other people's lives or from our past.
It isn't fair to compare your boyfriends to one another. Past is past and though it can seem like in hindsight you messed up for walking away, truthfully, something wasn't right somewhere or you'd still be in that same relationship. It isn't fair to manipulate and con each other by pretending to be someone you aren't. And we play all these games in the beginning which is the best time to be honest. Later, when you discover the truth about one another, the love fades because whatever bond was there was built off a lie, whether one you told or one you acted out.
Part of finding love on your own terms is knowing yourself. And let's just be honest, as women we feel the need to bend and mold to others all day long, from family to jobs to boyfriends. So, it's easy with all that bending to get bent out of shape and lose yourself.
When it comes to dating and marriage, the best advice I've ever seen was in the movie, The Runaway Bride. She'd lost herself and unfortunately it was always right before nuptials that she would wake up and realize that maybe this was a mistake. She didn't even know how she liked her own eggs. Finally though, she got the courage to learn those things about herself without a man and then let the man come into her life.
Men don't view women like we view one another. In fact, the things we spend the most time on are the things that satisfy and are pleasing to other women. Men are not that hard to please.
I remember someone one of my brothers told me. He said when a man is ready to marry, the primary things he desire in a woman is her sweetness, her ability to cook and run a home, her ability to mind her own business and keep her mouth shut about family life, her ability and willingness to make love to him, and be a great mom to his children. He said, "We don't need all the nails and expensive hairdos. We could care less rather you can walk in 2 or 3 inch heels. Men are logical creatures and we want a woman that fits us with minimal upkeep required."
I have about five completed chapters worth of writing done for this book, Always the Bride. I'm so pleased with how it's turning out, but it will be an ebook only. Eventually though, I'm going to turn my ebooks into regular, printed books. I love having both available to my readers.
I plan to eventually get into audio books, but one step at a time, eh?
I plan to eventually get into audio books, but one step at a time, eh?
Dena was tired of Lamar's crap. She wasn't going to stand by for any more lies. She grabbed her bags and headed toward the door. She opened the front door and paused, turned around to face Lamar, and with tears in her eyes she said, "And to think I not only loved you, but you were my hero."
With that, Dena walked out of Lamar's life forever. There was never a sadder image, not that of a hurt woman walking out the door, but of a man who woke up a day late. It was as if he could hear those words over and over and over again. And after a string of women in and out of his life, no matter how much they cared, none of them ever looked at him the way Dena had. None of them saw him as a hero. Many didn't even see him as a man. WHAT IN THE HELL HAD HE DONE?!!!
It took a long time, but the day came when he and Dena crossed paths again. Only now, she was Gary's wife. Gary was a happy man. Lamar could look at him and see it. Dena was a happy woman and he was still looking for someone to have and to hold, that would love and honor him. DAMN, MEN CAN BE DUMB!
Maybe the day would come when he'd see that look again, when someone would love him and honor him again. But if not, he'd had it once in his life. He'd had a real woman who understood how to treat a man and he'd lost her because he was afraid to commit. But men, that doesn't have to be your story. You don't have to lose your woman. But once you've drained the well dry, gentlemen, it's too late then to say I'm sorry. There'll be no more water for you.
Guys, you need to learn how to grow in love with a woman and see her for who she really is. Learn the value of inner beauty versus the fleeting outer variety. And don't be afraid to be honest about your fears. It's better to keep your cards on the table than to hide them and wake up one day with nothing left.
COPYRIGHT 2010 LACRESHA HAYES
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
With that, Dena walked out of Lamar's life forever. There was never a sadder image, not that of a hurt woman walking out the door, but of a man who woke up a day late. It was as if he could hear those words over and over and over again. And after a string of women in and out of his life, no matter how much they cared, none of them ever looked at him the way Dena had. None of them saw him as a hero. Many didn't even see him as a man. WHAT IN THE HELL HAD HE DONE?!!!
It took a long time, but the day came when he and Dena crossed paths again. Only now, she was Gary's wife. Gary was a happy man. Lamar could look at him and see it. Dena was a happy woman and he was still looking for someone to have and to hold, that would love and honor him. DAMN, MEN CAN BE DUMB!
Maybe the day would come when he'd see that look again, when someone would love him and honor him again. But if not, he'd had it once in his life. He'd had a real woman who understood how to treat a man and he'd lost her because he was afraid to commit. But men, that doesn't have to be your story. You don't have to lose your woman. But once you've drained the well dry, gentlemen, it's too late then to say I'm sorry. There'll be no more water for you.
Guys, you need to learn how to grow in love with a woman and see her for who she really is. Learn the value of inner beauty versus the fleeting outer variety. And don't be afraid to be honest about your fears. It's better to keep your cards on the table than to hide them and wake up one day with nothing left.
COPYRIGHT 2010 LACRESHA HAYES
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Some women (and men) treat marriage as if it is the end prize. Needless to say, those women (and men) end up a few years later disappointed with what they thought would be romance city and no worry island.
Marriage is just a new beginning. Once you had a life that you could live for just you. Now, you are a part of an entity that is bigger than you. Once you had freedom to thinking and decide all things on your own. Now, you had the responsibility to share your thoughts and come to joint decisions with your mate.
Marriage is the kind of hard work that makes you proud of yourself at the end of the day because every time you look over to your side and see a supportive and loving spouse, you know that every bit of sweat was worth it.
Marriage is just a new beginning. Once you had a life that you could live for just you. Now, you are a part of an entity that is bigger than you. Once you had freedom to thinking and decide all things on your own. Now, you had the responsibility to share your thoughts and come to joint decisions with your mate.
Marriage is the kind of hard work that makes you proud of yourself at the end of the day because every time you look over to your side and see a supportive and loving spouse, you know that every bit of sweat was worth it.
