Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
So sad to admit or even to say, but many women are losing their self-respect and dignity because they have determined to be with someone through any means necessary. That might mean sex before marriage, or putting up with infidelity, or putting up with a host of other horrible personality issues such as laziness, criminal behavior, disrespect or even abuse. But here is the flipside to that compromise.
After we've kissed our dignity goodbye and lost respect for ourselves, and after we've embraced a person who is unhealthy for us, and after we've done all we can to make a bad relationship tolerable, then we realize we are still unhappy. We are still lost, hurting, lonely and miserable. And in that anger, we blame the men in our lives rather than taking responsibility for allowing them into our lives in the first place. And the cycle keeps repeating and repeating until we either give up or learn better.
Don't compromise anything that makes you who you are. Don't lower your standards of living for a companion. Don't deprive yourself of respect and dignity. Don't lose yourself for the sake of a relationship you think will make you happier. How could it if it is no longer a healthy you in it? Relationships must consist of two healthy people or they will most likely end with two unhappy people.
After we've kissed our dignity goodbye and lost respect for ourselves, and after we've embraced a person who is unhealthy for us, and after we've done all we can to make a bad relationship tolerable, then we realize we are still unhappy. We are still lost, hurting, lonely and miserable. And in that anger, we blame the men in our lives rather than taking responsibility for allowing them into our lives in the first place. And the cycle keeps repeating and repeating until we either give up or learn better.
Don't compromise anything that makes you who you are. Don't lower your standards of living for a companion. Don't deprive yourself of respect and dignity. Don't lose yourself for the sake of a relationship you think will make you happier. How could it if it is no longer a healthy you in it? Relationships must consist of two healthy people or they will most likely end with two unhappy people.
Now, I don't want to state the obvious, but someone has to do it. Since I've started this journey into writing this book, I've realized something that I didn't fully grasp before. Namely, I've realized that we tend to attract people on a subconscious level. Thereby, if we have some subconscious issues, it's best to deal with them before trying to jump into a relationship.
I remember going through my experimental stage when, I guess to some degree, I wanted to find myself. One boyfriend was thuggish. The next was very settled and a homebody. The next was worldly and experienced. The next was professional. There was no pattern to who I was dating like most times in most people's lives. I was all over the place trying to figure out what I wanted. (Which might I add is sooooo NOT the best way to do things.)
If you don't know who you are, how can you possibly know what kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Wanna know why I didn't marry the gazillion guys who asked me? Because I was never really sure about any of them. I wasn't sure about myself. I didn't know when I might wake up and be a totally different person. Luckily, the day came when I did become a different person by inviting God in. At that point, I looked back and thought about how blessed I was to have not married those who I rejected and even those who eventually rejected me.
It's obvious that people will have issues within themselves. It should be just as obvious that we can't even begin to plan a relationship when we are clueless about who we are, what we want and where we are going. Don't put the cart before the horse. Learn you and deal with whatever needs to be dealt with. Then, you'll be ready to jump over a broom and wash old rice out of your hair for two days. First things first, though.
I remember going through my experimental stage when, I guess to some degree, I wanted to find myself. One boyfriend was thuggish. The next was very settled and a homebody. The next was worldly and experienced. The next was professional. There was no pattern to who I was dating like most times in most people's lives. I was all over the place trying to figure out what I wanted. (Which might I add is sooooo NOT the best way to do things.)
If you don't know who you are, how can you possibly know what kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Wanna know why I didn't marry the gazillion guys who asked me? Because I was never really sure about any of them. I wasn't sure about myself. I didn't know when I might wake up and be a totally different person. Luckily, the day came when I did become a different person by inviting God in. At that point, I looked back and thought about how blessed I was to have not married those who I rejected and even those who eventually rejected me.
It's obvious that people will have issues within themselves. It should be just as obvious that we can't even begin to plan a relationship when we are clueless about who we are, what we want and where we are going. Don't put the cart before the horse. Learn you and deal with whatever needs to be dealt with. Then, you'll be ready to jump over a broom and wash old rice out of your hair for two days. First things first, though.
