Always the Bride

The Compromise

2010-12-15T12:49:00.000-06:00

So sad to admit or even to say, but many women are losing their self-respect and dignity because they have determined to be with someone through any means necessary. That might mean sex before marriage, or putting up with infidelity, or putting up with a host of other horrible personality issues such as laziness, criminal behavior, disrespect or even abuse. But here is the flipside to that compromise.

After we've kissed our dignity goodbye and lost respect for ourselves, and after we've embraced a person who is unhealthy for us, and after we've done all we can to make a bad relationship tolerable, then we realize we are still unhappy. We are still lost, hurting, lonely and miserable. And in that anger, we blame the men in our lives rather than taking responsibility for allowing them into our lives in the first place. And the cycle keeps repeating and repeating until we either give up or learn better.

Don't compromise anything that makes you who you are. Don't lower your standards of living for a companion. Don't deprive yourself of respect and dignity. Don't lose yourself for the sake of a relationship you think will make you happier. How could it if it is no longer a healthy you in it? Relationships must consist of two healthy people or they will most likely end with two unhappy people.

Too Many Games May Mean Being Alone

2010-05-11T05:08:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, we envy the wrong things in others' relationships and make unfair comparisons in relationships that we would despise if the shoe flipped to the other foot. We compare our man to the men in other people's lives or from our past.

It isn't fair to compare your boyfriends to one another. Past is past and though it can seem like in hindsight you messed up for walking away, truthfully, something wasn't right somewhere or you'd still be in that same relationship. It isn't fair to manipulate and con each other by pretending to be someone you aren't. And we play all these games in the beginning which is the best time to be honest. Later, when you discover the truth about one another, the love fades because whatever bond was there was built off a lie, whether one you told or one you acted out.

Marriage is lovely and beautiful, but don't desire it so much that you want to play games like the movie, Two Can Play that Game. That was a movie and nothing about what happened was cute. It's not cute to play with other people's heart. So my point, when dating, let's just be honest.

Love on Your Terms

2010-05-09T09:08:00.000-05:00

Part of finding love on your own terms is knowing yourself. And let's just be honest, as women we feel the need to bend and mold to others all day long, from family to jobs to boyfriends. So, it's easy with all that bending to get bent out of shape and lose yourself.

When it comes to dating and marriage, the best advice I've ever seen was in the movie, The Runaway Bride. She'd lost herself and unfortunately it was always right before nuptials that she would wake up and realize that maybe this was a mistake. She didn't even know how she liked her own eggs. Finally though, she got the courage to learn those things about herself without a man and then let the man come into her life.

Take Julia Roberts' advice. Learn yourself single before you commit to marriage with anyone.

Advice from a Brother

2010-04-17T16:49:00.000-05:00

Men don't view women like we view one another. In fact, the things we spend the most time on are the things that satisfy and are pleasing to other women. Men are not that hard to please.

I remember someone one of my brothers told me. He said when a man is ready to marry, the primary things he desire in a woman is her sweetness, her ability to cook and run a home, her ability to mind her own business and keep her mouth shut about family life, her ability and willingness to make love to him, and be a great mom to his children. He said, "We don't need all the nails and expensive hairdos. We could care less rather you can walk in 2 or 3 inch heels. Men are logical creatures and we want a woman that fits us with minimal upkeep required."

How's that for advice? LOL!

Five Completed Chapters

2010-04-07T04:53:00.000-05:00

I have about five completed chapters worth of writing done for this book, Always the Bride. I'm so pleased with how it's turning out, but it will be an ebook only. Eventually though, I'm going to turn my ebooks into regular, printed books. I love having both available to my readers.

I plan to eventually get into audio books, but one step at a time, eh?

The Story of Dena and Lamar

2010-03-16T14:44:00.000-05:00

Dena was tired of Lamar's crap. She wasn't going to stand by for any more lies. She grabbed her bags and headed toward the door. She opened the front door and paused, turned around to face Lamar, and with tears in her eyes she said, "And to think I not only loved you, but you were my hero."

With that, Dena walked out of Lamar's life forever. There was never a sadder image, not that of a hurt woman walking out the door, but of a man who woke up a day late. It was as if he could hear those words over and over and over again. And after a string of women in and out of his life, no matter how much they cared, none of them ever looked at him the way Dena had. None of them saw him as a hero. Many didn't even see him as a man. WHAT IN THE HELL HAD HE DONE?!!!

It took a long time, but the day came when he and Dena crossed paths again. Only now, she was Gary's wife. Gary was a happy man. Lamar could look at him and see it. Dena was a happy woman and he was still looking for someone to have and to hold, that would love and honor him. DAMN, MEN CAN BE DUMB!

Maybe the day would come when he'd see that look again, when someone would love him and honor him again. But if not, he'd had it once in his life. He'd had a real woman who understood how to treat a man and he'd lost her because he was afraid to commit. But men, that doesn't have to be your story. You don't have to lose your woman. But once you've drained the well dry, gentlemen, it's too late then to say I'm sorry. There'll be no more water for you.

Guys, you need to learn how to grow in love with a woman and see her for who she really is. Learn the value of inner beauty versus the fleeting outer variety. And don't be afraid to be honest about your fears. It's better to keep your cards on the table than to hide them and wake up one day with nothing left.

COPYRIGHT 2010 LACRESHA HAYES
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Marriage is a New Beginning

2010-03-10T02:13:00.001-06:00

Some women (and men) treat marriage as if it is the end prize. Needless to say, those women (and men) end up a few years later disappointed with what they thought would be romance city and no worry island.

Marriage is just a new beginning. Once you had a life that you could live for just you. Now, you are a part of an entity that is bigger than you. Once you had freedom to thinking and decide all things on your own. Now, you had the responsibility to share your thoughts and come to joint decisions with your mate.

Marriage is the kind of hard work that makes you proud of yourself at the end of the day because every time you look over to your side and see a supportive and loving spouse, you know that every bit of sweat was worth it.

Lasso the Moon

2010-03-09T13:43:00.000-06:00

It's a Wonderful Life ruined many would be wonderful lives, huh? Who doesn't want a romantic, upstanding, respectable young man who is willing to lasso the moon for you? Naw, that movie should inspire us to dream bigger and expect more out of ourselves and our potential mates. It can be a wonderful life if we want it to be, if we pay attention to the smaller things, if we honor the person we say we love, and if we go that extra mile without holding it against the person we're going all out for.

Change your mindset. Your potential husband should be willing to lasso the moon and give it to you.

Things that Make You Say "Hmmm"

2010-03-08T12:43:00.000-06:00

Okay, have you ever seen a chubby, nerdy looking guy with a bombshell? Who hasn't? And we all end up asking the same question- "How did that happen?" LOL

I've come to realize something- most people, especially if life has been difficult, only want someone who will love, honor and cherish them. And beautiful women are often mistreated like regular women. They are cheated on, beat up and misused. So, before you get to thinking you need better looks to keep a man, just look at the long list of babes who are divorced and heart broken.

Things that make you say hmmmmmm

Funny Little Thought

2010-02-05T10:14:00.000-06:00

Back in the 80's, sitcoms had the best theme songs. You could really dig them. One particular song was the theme to Married with Children. I absolutely adored that song, even when the show didn't quite do it for me. Here's a portion of the lyrics that will serve as our "things that make you say hmm" moment:

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage
This I tell you brother
You can't have one without the other

Now, let's examine that line sung by a man. Teehee. First of all, I'm sure us women had the part of carriage. And anyone with a horse knows that they'd prefer not to be dragging some heavy thing around behind them. LOL! Geez! I used to belt that song out so loud when I was a child. I loved it. And now I'm thinking about it. Not a pretty picture of love or marriage. LOL!

Shiny Like a New Penny

2010-01-27T19:58:00.000-06:00

Okay, we all know that marriage is supposed to be forever, right? Now, let's explore that thought with the person you have in front of you before it's too late.

Here's a funny way to analyze your current situation:

Most of us get caught up in a moment, how handsome he is, how beautiful she is, how good they smell, how well-spoken they are, or how soft their skin is... whatever. You know we have those million and one things we brag on when a relationship is new. Seems we just can't find a single thing wrong with the man/woman of our dreams. To that I say, give it some time.

Our eyes begin to dull to the glow of that new penny after awhile. Then all of a sudden, that perfect circle isn't quite so perfect. Problem is, many times we wake up and we're already married. Then we start the nagging in a desperate attempt to change this person in front of us into our idea of perfect (like that will ever happen).

So, here's my formula. Before I get all caught up in those bright, flashy things that new relationships bring, I take a step back and a deep breath and begin my search. Okay, he takes off his socks inside out and leave them that way. I hate that now. What in the world will 20 years do to that part of my pet peeve? He talks with his mouth full of food in public. How humiliating? Can I handle that if he never changes it? You get the picture.

Don't lie to yourself about the man or woman in front of you. I know that new penny makes you want to play with it, love it, hug it and call it George, but it won't always be new. So, the real decision is see the truth now or see it later when it may possibly be too late to change it or save yourself from making a mistake.

Stating the Obvious

2010-01-25T14:49:00.000-06:00

Now, I don't want to state the obvious, but someone has to do it. Since I've started this journey into writing this book, I've realized something that I didn't fully grasp before. Namely, I've realized that we tend to attract people on a subconscious level. Thereby, if we have some subconscious issues, it's best to deal with them before trying to jump into a relationship.

I remember going through my experimental stage when, I guess to some degree, I wanted to find myself. One boyfriend was thuggish. The next was very settled and a homebody. The next was worldly and experienced. The next was professional. There was no pattern to who I was dating like most times in most people's lives. I was all over the place trying to figure out what I wanted. (Which might I add is sooooo NOT the best way to do things.)

If you don't know who you are, how can you possibly know what kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Wanna know why I didn't marry the gazillion guys who asked me? Because I was never really sure about any of them. I wasn't sure about myself. I didn't know when I might wake up and be a totally different person. Luckily, the day came when I did become a different person by inviting God in. At that point, I looked back and thought about how blessed I was to have not married those who I rejected and even those who eventually rejected me.

It's obvious that people will have issues within themselves. It should be just as obvious that we can't even begin to plan a relationship when we are clueless about who we are, what we want and where we are going. Don't put the cart before the horse. Learn you and deal with whatever needs to be dealt with. Then, you'll be ready to jump over a broom and wash old rice out of your hair for two days. First things first, though.

Too Much Too Soon

2010-01-21T06:18:00.000-06:00

If only I'd known how to appreciate the gift of sex sooner in my life. For those who read my bestseller, THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE, you know that my sex life started without my permission and grew in ignorance. Nevertheless, I am grateful that I learned eventually.

I won't make this a soapbox thing, but in a very humorous way, let's look at the theory of buying the cow when you can milk it anytime you want for free. It's been said in a million different ways that men love a challenge and because they use logic, it's hard for them to appreciate anything that comes too easily... like, well... um... your body. (There, I said it.)

Now let's talk turkey (or chicken for those who don't like turkeys.) Here's what men think. If I was able to sleep with this woman without making any kind of real commitment, then who else has? How many others? Who else can while I am? They wonder about our level of respect for ourselves when we are setting it out there on date 1, 2, 3, 4 or even 10. We think we can play the wait game and make him wait a month or two, etc. But if you let him have your body before making a firm commitment, he'll lose respect for you on some level. Now some guys still marry the women that gave it up on the first date, but then you have to wonder about those kind of men too.

Let's reverse this for a second and this is going to get graphic but some stuff needs to be said... (pray I don't lose my ordination behind this... LOL)

When I was out in the streets, I always felt uncomfortable with a man if I did decide to sleep with him and he didn't reach for a condom. If I had to request it, then I would normally change my mind about him. Why? Because if he's that careless with me, who else has he been careless with? What could he be carrying and not know it.

Want another blatant example?

The issue of oral sex is big now. It's no longer embarrassing to do it and talk about it. You know we have matured so much (yeah right) that we put all our business out there on front street now. Not to help others, but just because we do. If you look at marriage as a goal, a ceremony to be celebrated, then you know it has to have gifts that come along with it. But if you've already given up your female parts, your mouth and Lord knows what else, then what exactly are you gifting when you marry? Again, when I was in the world and doing worldly things, if a man's immediate reaction was to perform oral sex on the first encounter, then there was no way in the world he was ever going to put his lips on mine. I just couldn't fathom. Now most people call me old fashioned now and even weird about stuff like that. They say I think too much. But it pays to think before jumping into the sack with someone.

Don't give up too much too soon. Be patient and let your relationships develop without sex. Otherwise, you may wake up one day hating yourself. You may wake up to someone you don't really know and don't really care for after the thrill is gone.

Don't give up too much of your heart too soon either. Learn about each other and see what can be before carelessly leaping into the fire. It just might be too hot for you.

Ooh Look, An Excerpt Finally!

2010-01-20T09:37:00.000-06:00

ALWAYS THE BRIDE Book Excerpt (unedited)

It never dawned on me when I was a young girl dreaming of my knight in shining armor who'd rescue me from my miserable life that men don't come dressed up in a suit of armor with dashing good looks and charm enough to win over an entire city always. They have their flaws, like we have ours. They have their insecurities and past pains, just like we have ours. So sometimes, while he may want to be the one to woo you, charm you, love you, envelope you with passion, there may also be some fear there of rejection, some past memory of love gone wrong, or some other issue with that. He may be Mr. Romantic on the inside but have a difficult time showing it to you.

As wives, our jobs are sometimes hard with very little verbal appreciation attached. We have to deal with our issues and insecurities while being careful of our husbands' issues and insecurities. We have to know how to ask for what we want without sounding condescending and impatient. We have to be willing to show our husbands how to love us because we don't come with manuals and be gracious enough to applaud their efforts even when it doesn't quite satisfy what we desire. It's called patience and to have a husband is to learn to have plenty of patience. All these skills must be developed pre-maritally. Trying to do it on the fly is hard, and often the cause of marital complications.

I'm not by any means putting men down. I'm simply pointing out what it takes to get what we want as women. I could say a lot to men, but this isn't about men, now is it? As women, we have a tendency to get wrapped up in emotions and in our emotional upheavals, we pressure our men to perform for us. We can sometimes put so much pressure on them that they begin to feel like failures. Men, the logical beings that they are, believe that their job is to make their mate happier than she was without him. When women nag, they immediately think they've failed. And who wants to feel like a failure? So after awhile, he'll begin to doubt that there is long term potential in the relationship, if for no other reason because he don't want to feel like a failure all his life. Men love to be celebrated and for some reason, go figure, they perform better when they are complimented and celebrated and adored. Don't skimp on celebrating your man when he deserves it because you fear he'll get the big head. He has enough detractors out there to keep that head in place. Trust me. Even the most conceited acting of men have a million and one insecurities that he may never let you in on.

Be a wife long before you get married because it isn't marriage that makes you a wife. Being a wife is what leads you to marriage. We talk more about that in later chapters.

The Right Questions

2010-01-17T11:30:00.000-06:00

For some, the proposal is the big thing. They look forward to it so much that they don't ask the right questions at the right time. The fairy tale wedding dream takes over and it feels like fantasy when the proposal is when your feet need to be planted most firmly. After the ceremony, it's too late to start asking questions that should have been asked before hand.

Most people marry perfect strangers for one reasn or another. Maybe they were deceived by the suitor. Maybe they deceived themselves. Maybe they were too caught up in the romance to seek the important information about their chosen one. Don't let any of those be you.

You need to know who you are marrying. You need to know what they stand for, what makes them tick, what turns them on, what turns them off, how they treat others, what they have planned for the future, if they are responsible, if they are reliable, if they keep their word, if they honor their parents with or without reason, and so forth. If you don't know these very basic things, maybe you should slow down and take a breath, come back down to Earth and focus on what you are really about to do.

Outline Completed

2010-01-11T15:20:00.000-06:00

I am more than proud and happy to report that I've finished my outline. Thank God. I have my chapter titles done too. So far, I plan for this book to be 21 chapters of being the right person, marrying the right person and enjoying/learning from everything in between.

Should be fun. Stay tuned!

Proposal Miscommunication

2010-01-09T09:01:00.000-06:00

Men are mostly logic and ego, even when on the inside they are all heart. I spoke to a gentleman not very long ago who shared the worst proposal he'd ever made. He likened it to proposing on the big screen at a football or baseball game and being turned down. That's pretty bad.

He'd saved approximately a fifth of his income to buy this perfect, one of a kind ring. He had champagne, roses, a teddy bear, a card, and an expensive Italian dinner all planned out for that big moment. Though the lady seemed like she didn't want to go out that night, he assumed it was because she was a bit tired. He figured a romantic proposal would be just the thing to liven her up.

Well, when he popped the question, she began crying and flat out said no. Apparently, in those months of saving and paying on her ring, he'd been working extra hard and she'd been seeing no income improvement. She'd convinced herself that he was having an affair and had planned to end the relationship the next day. Talk about communication issues.

They did eventually get married, but he told me that her no felt like someone had just stabbed him in the heart repeatedly. He was so disturbed by it that it took him some time to even understand anything she'd told him. He never asked again. She had to ask him and he said it was hard to accept because she'd crushed HIS dream of giving her the perfect proposal, of seeing her face light up, and had stolen everything he worked hard for during those months of sacrifice.

Ladies, please... DO NOT jump to conclusions! He wants to see you happy, to see you smile and imagine within himself that he's given you something you've never had. But if a man invests his time, money and energy into you and into planning for you and by some form of miscommunication you reject him, it takes more than "I'm sorry" to fix it most times.

Proposal Number 1

2010-01-06T17:22:00.000-06:00

No one forgets their first time, even when they want to. LOL!

The first time someone proposed to me, I was very young. We'd had two sons together. We'd fought, argued, broken up, gotten back together, moved apart, and moved back together.

When you've been with someone as long as I'd been with him, throughout my entire teen years, sometimes you take each other for granted and the thrill of being proposed to just isn't the same. I can't even remember feeling any excitement... just thinking in my mind that there was no way I'd marry him after all we'd been through. In truth, he didn't want to marry me either. He just didn't want to lose me.

The moral of the story... don't get married for any reason other than love, commitment and common life outlooks. You can't hold on to a person with marriage if they are ready to go. Marriage is hard work, and it can be downright torture if you jump into it for the wrong reasons.

It reminds me of an episode of Martin. Martin finally proposed to Gina to keep her from leaving and finished his proposal with "... are you happy now?" Big no-no. She said, "Yes, Martin, I am happy now." and then got up and walked away from him because even though that was what she'd always wanted to hear, she wanted him to want it too. It was better to walk away rather than end up like the marriage Tom Cruise had with Renee in that movie... okay, can't remember the name of the movie... LOL! It was Jerry McGuire. Nobody wants that.

Those Who Envy Them

2010-01-05T08:54:00.000-06:00

There are those of us who envy people who simply ooze love and romance. They talk about how much they love the person they married, now that person is the ONLY person for them. Normally, those people are around people like us (because I used to be this way) who are sitting there listening and wondering why we don't quite feel that way about our mates. And because you know we hate really looking at ourselves, the first thing we do is look at the other person in our lives.

We think, "Well, maybe I didn't wait on the right person because I don't feel that way, that completion in him/her." Or, maybe we think, "If my mate did all that his/hers do, I'd feel complete too." Whatever we think, we never stop and think about what the real problem is. So, Professor Lacresha is going to share a hard truth with you in the sweetest way possible.

For me, I've had some really great relationships with some really crappy ones thrown in for good measure. But never did I feel complete in any man. I was never so in love that another man couldn't catch my eye for a moment or two, even after meeting Christ. Seemed like I just couldn't get no satisfaction, as the song says. So, God had to eventually speak to me and tell me something I'd only receive from HIM.

Drumroll...

It was never the men I was with. It was always me. I wasn't happy with who I was. I didn't really love myself. My conceit that I called confidence was a cloak to hide away those tender areas in my heart. No matter who I deceived, I never could deceive me and never could deceive God. One man's love couldn't fill that HUGE GAPING HOLE that was created because I was never satisfied with me. No one could say "I love you" enough to help it. No matter how much romance was given, I needed more and more and more. It was the Bermuda Triangle of love. That's why I could be in a relationship and still look for more love and more attention, even when my fellow of the moment was giving all he had.

Stop envying those who are happy in their relationships and comparing your mate to theirs. Instead, look inside and see why you aren't complete. See if maybe you don't like yourself. See if maybe you have issues with choosing bad relationships and trying to make them something they will never be. See if maybe you have this huge suck hole that consumes everyone who really tries to love you. Then, when you finish with you, which I can promise will take longer than a moment, maybe you will find a new kind of commitment inside yourself so that you'll be the one gushing about how much you LOOOOOVE your spouse and how they are THE most precious person in the world to you. Don't knock it until you try it!

Nearing the End

2009-12-29T07:01:00.000-06:00

The end is near... and while you prepare for the close of another year, it may do you good to get out a nice little pen and paper and figure out the things you need to leave in this year.

I remember when I dated this guy who shall definitely remain nameless. I loved him so much. He loved me. But the relationship wasn't cohesive. Unfortunately, we called it quits, but that didn't change how I felt. I cried... A LOT. For those who know me, I'm not the type to cry in front of people if at all possible, but when this relationship ended, the tears would just pop out anywhere at anytime like a dysfunctional jack in the box. It was like adding insult to injury. (Whew! Glad that's over.)

When that year drew to a close, I decided I'd sit down, finish up my tears, and leave him and all the hurt in that year. Now, it wasn't quite so easy, but before the following year ended, I'd moved on with my life, the tears were gone, and I was smiling again. It may not feel like you can live without some people, but there are some people you'll have to live without anyway. It's better for you to accept it quickly, grieve and move on. Plus, there's that moving on part that can be sooooo exciting! There just might be a Morris Chestnut or Tom Cruise in your future. You never know until you release your past. And hey, even if all the future holds is a Cedric the Entertainer type or someone like Peter from Family Guy, if he loves you, accepts you and respects you, then you still came out on top.

(Teeheehee... Peter from Family Guy... I crack myself up!)

How Can I Win His Heart - Yeah, Right!

2009-12-28T06:24:00.000-06:00

I've had many friends ask me how to win a man's heart. Seems every magazine has a new article every week on how to make a man fall in love with you. Truth be told, no matter how much we study love, we will still never fully understand it. In fact, it's not even love that we are studying. It is chemistry. Chemistry happens in an unexplained way, while love is a choice made in a responsible manner from a Christian perspective because love is action. Chemistry for some is opposites attracting. For others, it is seeing a mirror image of themselves and no one can tell you which kind of person is in front of you.

When it comes to matters of the heart, let's just be real... most of us are as clueless as the day we were born. LOL! I know I am. However, I have learned that changing who you are, even temporarily, to win someone is not the best way to start a relationship. Otherwise, you look up several years down the road and resent the person in front of you because of something you did... deceiving them and deceiving yourself. Yes, we should be adaptable, but not deceptive.

So, how do you win "his" heart? Be yourself. Be funny sometimes. Be odd sometimes. Be all the things you are and if he can hang with that, then he'll give you his heart. If he can't, why do you want him anyway? Lord knows, the real you can't hide forever and we don't want him to discover the real you on wedding day (then instead of a wedding, he'll be calling for an exorcism)... Joking... just joking! (I almost had this happen to me. I'll tell that story later.)

Keep it real with your chosen guy. Everyone deserves to be loved for who they are and who they will become.

SEX and Dating

2009-12-27T06:38:00.000-06:00

Dating has a whole new meaning these days. In fact, it's funny to even think of all the new implications. The younger you are, the more pressure to make your relationship sexual way too soon. In fact, sex should come only after marriage, but I'm willing to bet less than 10 percent of those reading this post will agree with me and about 50 percent probably stopped right there because people want to explore their sexuality. The problem is, the sooner you introduce sex into a relationship, the least likely it is to work.

A good relationship is not built in the bedroom, though it certainly is sealed there and it grows there. On the other hand, a good bedroom experience can sometimes cause people to hang on to relationships that simply do not work. That's only one complication. How has sex complicated your relationships that ended in failure? How has it complicated those you are still in?

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-25T04:00:00.000-06:00

It may no longer be politically correct to some, but screw it... who says we have to be politically correct all the time.

MERRY, MERRY, MERRY

CHRISTMAS

The Eve of Christmas

2009-12-24T05:17:00.001-06:00

No matter how many times we promise ourselves we won't get caught up in holiday mania, Christmas has a way of melting people. And so today is the eve of gift-giving day. Many are just now wrapping and buying. I definitely had my share of Christmas eve days playing catch up, which reminds me of a funny proposal story.

I once dated this guy who used to swear by all things golden that he didn't want marriage until he was older, much older. It didn't matter much to me at that time. Finally though, the day came when he actually asked me to marry him and we set the date close to Christmas. But something didn't set well with me about being married around Christmas time. I thought about it and thought about it. Guess what was bothering me most? Oh, you'll never guess so I better tell you...

THAT WOULD MEAN ONE GIFT FOR TWO SPECIAL DAYS! No way! I wanted every one of my gift-getting holidays to count separately with separate gifts for each. I've grown up since then (at least a little bit- LOL)

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and experience all the joy that giving bestows upon the giver.

Creativity Counts

2009-12-23T05:04:00.001-06:00

When my ex-husband proposed to me, he did it in the most creative way. He was a creative man, though. All day long his friend kept asking me if I'd gotten my birthday present yet. I'd began imagining a new car or something HUGE so you can imagine my short bout of shock and disappointment, but then joy when Elias (the ex-husband) whipped out a beautiful birthday cake while being on one knee. And the cake read...

It took all of 45 seconds for me to get over the fact that I didn't get a new car for my birthday, and I'm only half kidding. It then took me almost exactly five more seconds to say yes. That was one of the sweetest proposals because he actually looked as if he was afraid I'd say no.

Hats off to you, Elias, for a unique proposal!

The NERVE of Him

2009-12-22T06:00:00.001-06:00

Ladies, maybe you've never thought about how difficult it is for a man to propose marriage to a woman, even if he is head over heels in love with her. He has to battle through a lot of things. Talk about nerves of steel!

He has to make sure he is ready to give up his solitude, which believe it or not, some men enjoy. He has to make sure he can provide for a family because it's hard to think marriage without thinking children, mortgage, car notes, grocery, etc. He wonders about his chosen lady... will she accept his proposal? Will she change on him after that ring is on her finger? Lord knows he's heard and seen enough horror stories to make him have night sweats! Will her sex drive drive away permanently as many a married men sit around and lament about? What if he does meet someone else down the line who is "better" for him? What if he disappoints his wife? What if she cheats? What if she loses respect for him? What if they get a divorce? Who wants to go through that? You can believe that he's not marrying you planning an escape route, but he has to face reality that divorces happen. What about children? Is he really ready to be a dad? The questions go on and on. Every man has to look at himself over and over again, questioning and re-questioning his ability to be a husband and whether he'll be rejected.

So, we have to give the guys a break. After all, it's common for women to have a support system when they have wedding fever. Everyone is encouraging and sweet and helpful. For men, often their friends' advice start with a "are you certain" type question followed by the million and one things he's already terrified of. If your man proposes, you can believe he's fought through some heavy demons to get to that point.

Be considerate when he asks, even if it isn't the most romantic proposal, or if the ring isn't what you want, etc. Don't be critical. That is a lesson for life, especially married life. Being critical will kill any chance of romance instantly!

The First Time

2009-12-21T07:33:00.001-06:00

I can still remember the first proposal. So, it wasn't romantic but boy was I happy to hear it from that good ol' country boy that had given me two sons (one died). While it didn't play out like a movie scene, not even a little bit, it did stay with me throughout the rest of my next relationship. Oh, I forgot to mention that he didn't ask until after I'd married someone else. I know. I know. That sounds horrible so let me clarify (as if the real story is any better)!

I'd wanted to get married since I was ten years old. When I finished high school, I wanted to go to the Air Force so bad I could taste it, but I didn't want to sign away any rights, temporary or otherwise, to my son. The other alternative at that time was marriage. So, since my long time boyfriend was afraid to do it (with good reason), I married one of my friends. While I was supposed to be on something like a honeymoon in a cheap hometown motel, my son's father popped up and begged me to get an annulment and he'd then marry me. Music to my ears, but it was too little too late. Needless to say, we never married though he tried for over a year after that. Now, why did I tell that embarrassing story?

First of all, the point is some men wait until it's too late to ask the question women have been dreaming about. Some men meet women they want to sleep with and see what happens after that. Most women meet men they want to get to know, marry and bare children with. See the disparity there. That's another one of those miscommunications that can cause you to miss out on something beautiful. That was the first time a guy waited too late to ask me, but it certainly wasn't the last. And in this I learned a valuable lesson: for the men who are predatory and wild by nature, sometimes they have no idea what they want until it is taken away or a real threat of it being taken away looms nearby. Why do you think all those sappy love movies all end the same way with the guy chasing down the cab or plane or train to tell the woman he just realized she is the one? THAT, my dear women, is true for many. I won't draw a final conclusion for you from that, but I did for myself- NEVER stay in a dead end relationship hoping he wakes up while my years dwindle away. If he doesn't know what he wants, it'll be obvious and many times (not all the time), it hurts too much to wait with your heart on your sleeve for him to wake up and see you as a treasure.

ALL Those WOMEN

2009-12-20T18:45:00.000-06:00

Okay, let's be honest. Most of us have had WAY more than one man (or woman for my male readers). Society isn't like it used to be when people were ashamed if they'd had even two partners. Nope. Now, we can openly brag about our conquests, though not so much so as women.

It's also a fact that women outnumber men. If you factor in the percentage of men that are gay, that means we have pretty stiff competition out there (pardon the pun cause it wasn't intended). No one likes to think they have to compete for attention or love, but facts are facts. Whether you're a Christian (as I am truly from my heart) or atheist, Buddhist or whatever, if you want to be married, you have to look at things as they truly are. So, how are they?

There are many men and even more women out there. Believe it or not, many of them are seeking love, but not all of them know it yet, and even fewer of them trust that they can find what they seek which makes them desperate. So dating has become more and more difficult as society becomes more and more accepting of overt sexuality. People are having more and more one night stands, more and more casual encounters, and fewer connections. Some men have in fact had so much easy sex that they are desensitized and can no longer discern marriage material that needs a little development from blatant and overt promiscuity. So with all those women who want what you want, how in the world do you separate yourself as a diamond among simple coal?

Stay tuned and you'll find out!

Honest Inventory of Self

2009-12-10T14:26:00.001-06:00

So here I am. I keep looking at myself in the mirror as if to find some hidden feature I haven't seen in all of my 34 years of life. I find something new every time, though, and that keeps me at a place of inventory. What does that mean?

Most women have a hard time being honest with themselves. We're either way too modest or way too critical, both of which are dangerous and destructive to our self-esteem and love life. But me, I've learned to be a realist. So each day, I have to ask myself this question: who am I really?

Well, I'm a wife (for the third time). I'm the mother to a 19 year old college student. I'm a business owner. I'm a traveling consultant and community activist. I'm a convicted felon, too, who used to live a life of crime. I'm so many things that I often forget who I am to myself. Those are the things I am to others. But, who am I to myself?

Am I as nice as most people think I am? Am I as naive as I'm thought to be? What motivates me to wake up in the morning? What pushes me past depression when it comes to steal away my laughter? What pushes me towards making others in my life happy? If I can't answer these questions, then there's no way I can have a happy marriage or a full life. So, that's where I'm starting this blog and the book that corresponds to it.

Welcome to Always the Bride

2009-12-01T10:15:00.000-06:00

I never thought I'd actually write a blog or a book about this, but I've been proposed to more than 20 times and have been married three times. I find myself dying to be in a wedding that isn't mine. My friends are all dying to be in a wedding that is theirs. So, I get THE question all the time... what on earth do you do to make men want to marry you?

Let me start by saying I have no earthly idea, but hopefully this journey of blogging and writing a book about the subject will shed some light on how I've managed to never have an un-serious relationship. So, enjoy the journey! Laugh with me and at me. Talk about me. By all means, leave comments, both favorable and unfavorable. I'll be honest with you if you be honest with me.